Fighting negativity takes a lot of hard work, discipline and energy. I don’t want to be negative and I chastise people who are. I talk them through the reasons why they feel that way, challenge them to find the evidence to prove their opinion is well-founded and try to motivate and encourage them to think differently.
So why can’t I follow my own advice and lead by example? Who knows but it must have something to do with a low self esteem coupled with the expectation that I should be Wonder Woman and be able to cope on my own with anything and everything that life throws at me.
I am getting better at asking for help but that makes me feel worse not better. I am starting to come to terms with my limitations brought about by my constant fatigue and lack of mental and physical energy but this in itself is very depressing for me. Compromise, moderation and “second” have never been in the dictionary but they are highlighted in my latest version.
It is an especially difficult time for me at work at the moment. Not just because we are working up against set deadlines but because there is so much I would have done better had I known what to focus on. The trouble is, until I experienced this cycle I wouldn’t have known and therein lies the frustration.
Until I look at it in a more evidence-based way and realise that, overall it hasn’t been so bad. Yes, it could have been a lot better and I would have loved to have been at the top of my game but realistically, taking everything into consideration I got through and next year I have an amazing opportunity to show a dramatic improvement. I will know what is expected, I will change my ways (many of which are dictated by my illness but need to be challenged) and I will feel much more comfortable when I am back in control.
Easy to say, not so easy to carry out but I will. There is nothing to stop me and if I manage my illness properly, I will stay the course.
A very steep learning curve can be demoralising and depressing when you feel out of control but analysed in light of realistic evidence, it can be beneficial and help you develop both as a person and professional.
I need to accept my limitations and plan accordingly. Turn negativity into positivity and learn from my experience.
Isn’t this what life’s all about?
